Thoughts of a beautiful, chaotic person in a pandemic.

I was given the task to write a blog regarding my mental health during the pandemic. I found this comical because my mental health has been up and down for the last few years. Some days are good, and others are really bad. I am an over thinker. This alone causes me a lot of anxiety, couple that with the need to be perfect at everything I do, even if I don’t know how to do it, and you have a beautiful, chaotic human being.

I am described as a social butterfly by my friends because I thrive in big social settings mostly because I come from a big family. Once the pandemic hit and we were locked down I saw myself missing human interaction and going out. Now, I did not go out as much as you think I did but the pandemic really affected my social life. I missed the big family gatherings we had every month, I missed sleepovers with the girls, and I just missed having the freedom to just leave my home whenever I wanted to.

During the pandemic, my mental health got worse. I found myself feeling lonely and isolated. The video calls with friends were nice but they were not enough. I am an affectionate person as well and not being able to hug and kiss my friends and family whenever I saw them was extremely hard for me, still is. Along with the fear that one of the people close to me could pass on, the fear of catching the virus was very real. I say this because I have a semi-weak immune system and back when I was in grade four, I had contracted the swine flu.

What I found helpful in getting through the dark times I had, was to have a small group of friends that I could talk to and that could coax me back into the light. I also found having a ‘secret’ diary really helped me to figure out how I was feeling at the time and to let it out through paper and pen. Going out into my yard, sitting on a camp chair in the sun with a glass of Amarula in my hand absorbing all the good things the sun gives. YouTube videos that made me laugh and take my mind off the horrifying headlines in the media. Relearning about my hobbies that I lost interest in along the way and learning of new hobbies that I didn’t know I would ever be interested in. Those were a few of the things that kept me sane.

I am doing a little bit better recently because the lockdown level has reduced and I am able to see some of my friends and family, with terms and conditions of course. I am still learning about myself and how to keep motivating myself out of bed but aren’t we all.

-Lolo.