I got 99 problems but relationship problems ain’t one of them

Yes, I am chronically single. What would I know about relationships right? Well, quite a bit. From observation and experience. Relationships don’t just concern romantic relationships, it’s our relationships with our family members, peers, and friends.

I want first to focus on relationships with friends, as those are quite important and tend to be looked down on even though these relationships are often very influential in our lives. There is a saying I stick by and that is; ‘If your friends don’t like your romantic partner, then that person will not be around for long’. This saying has always proven true in my life and those of my friends. When you are going through tough times, more times than not, you will reach out to your friends rather than family or anyone else as they would best know how to be there for you and comfort you.

Many more reasons show just how important and meaningful relationships with friends are, but we won’t go into the rest. Friendships are so meaningful and yet not enough is done to nurture and grow them. I mean that people should put as much effort into their friendships as they do their romantic relationships. If you were to look at my FYP (for you page) you would see a lot of groups consisting of only single young women who have been treating their friendships as if they were romantic relationships. What I mean by this is creating and/or celebrating friend anniversaries, going on friendship dates like fancy dinners and all the cute stuff, and the last big one, they communicate!

Communication is one thing that is often emphasized as the key to relationships. It is not only just about what you communicate, it is also about how you communicate. Your tone, your body language and the volume of your speech are all part of communicating. Listening, often not done enough, is a big part of communication as it helps with understanding where the problem may be.

Another thing about solving the problems we face in our relationships is knowing who we are in relationships and how that affects how we behave and react in relationships. This can include taking a personality test, such as the MBTI personality test or the 10 saboteur test by Shirzad Chamine, and finding out and understanding the roles we play in our relationships. We could be a builder or an energizer, either way, they all affect how we act, react, think and behave in our respective relationships.

What often harms our relationships or makes the problems worse is that people tend to assign blame to others. Blame is a killer of relationships. This happens because blame closes our minds to the other things that could be adding to the problem and the desire to look at the problem from a different perspective (Marilyn Paul, 2018). Important to note is that not assigning blame does not mean that people should not take responsibility for their actions! The second thing that harms our relationships is not processing situations and our feelings. If we don’t process what has just happened we often push it aside and bottle up our emotions. This can lead to a big blown-up fight that would not have happened if you had processed the situation and dealt with the problem, not avoided it. A way to avoid unnecessary conflicts is to set boundaries early on in the relationship and communicate those boundaries.

Yes, all these things can lead to solutions to even your romantic relationship problems. Of course, the dynamics of the relationships may differ slightly from platonic relationships but the foundation is essentially the same. I have not spoken a lot about romantic relationships because I feel we have enough of those conversations already and often go to our friends for advice… do you see where I am going with this? Lol. fix your friendships and you should be good with your romantic relationships.