Jabu has left the WhatsApp Group

A few years ago, I had started a blog called Thrive. The purpose of the blog was to create a safe space for people in my age group to talk about mental health, the blog specifically focused on stress as a form of mental illness and provided some solutions to cope effectively with stress. As time went by, I did a poor job at maintaining the blog and I neglected it. Two years later, here I am writing a blog post, about mental health...for people in my age group. I do think that this is a coincidence. So here’s my second shot at this blogging thing…

Mental Health During a Pandemic. Lol.

There’s a lot going on. The high’s have been really high and well, the lows, really low. There have been days when I felt I could conquer the world and days when I didn't want to even get out of bed. When I am having a low day, I almost have this unwavering need to dedicate the day to crying-does this make my problems go away? Absolutely not. If anything, I realize that I have wasted a whole day on feeling sorry for myself.

Let's go down memory lane a bit… In November 2019 I was employed at some company, and I hated every moment of working for that company. Fast forward to February 2020, I decided to resign. To this day, I strongly believe that was one for the best decisions I made for myself. I felt as if I was compromising myself for a job that gave me zero satisfaction, for a company that had absolutely no regard for me and my wellbeing. I vividly remember just how happy I was on the day I resigned. I couldn’t wait to walk out the door for the last time. I left, with no plan in mind but I was content.

Something I didn't expect to happen, was to be unemployed for about 6 months. It sort of didn’t make sense to me, I had graduated twice, once cum laude. I knew I was a hard worker and that I would do my utmost best at a job given the chance but nothing was falling into place and this drove me crazy. It frustrated me, I had no sense of control and I had to bank on the idea of “trusting the process”. What was particularly frustrating (and still is today to some degree) was feeling that I was not succeeding, that my peers were doing way better than I was. I was today years old, when I realized that by thinking this way, I was only frustrating and setting myself back. Whilst I was unemployed, COVID happened. The feeling of doom was amplified. I felt as if I had no agency over my life, time-my time was being wasted. I felt as if I was a failure, my qualifications meant nothing at this point.

I found “comfort” in talking to friends and peers in the same position I found myself in. Minutes and sometimes hours would go by, talking on the phone about how [inserts poop emoji] was, how we had “failed”. We would go on and on and on...complaining. It was almost as if we were competing for the title of “Whose Life is Worse”. After some time, I had a “wtf” moment. I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I questioned why I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity, why I allowed myself to fill my head with so much toxicity. I can assure you that after all those phones call, I never once felt empowered, uplifted or “ready to take on the world”. I was always anxious after those calls. That “wtf moment” was my turning point.

I have made the conscious decision to not fixate on what’s going wrong in my life. Now, I always try to find the silver lining in everything ( this frustrates some of my “let's wallow in self-pity friends, understandably so) . There are conversations that I refuse to partake in, I have made the decision to exit the “We are not enough” WhatsApp Group. When I have my bad days and feel like staying in bed the whole day, I literally force myself to get out of bed and do things that’ll take my mind off things. I even started gardening as a way to distress. Disclaimer, none of this happened overnight. But I have decided to focus on other things in life. When I need to vent, I talk to people who will encourage me, push me in the right direction and lift me in prayer, Look, there’s so much more to life. Let’s do our best to find the silver lining in life. There’s this quote that I absolutely love. It acknowledges that today isn’t a great day, but we push on despite everything we are faced with.

“The sun will rise, and we will try again”.

When you’re having a bad day, I urge you to repeat that quote in your head. Surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you, and please leave the “We are not enough” WhatsApp Group, nothing positive will come out of that. If you don’t believe me, I am willing to bet on it!