Grief: A lonely but necessary journey -Reflective Piece

The focus of the most recent Solve for X series has been Loss and Grief. I must say-what a rollercoaster this series has been.

Oddly enough, I was the one who suggested that we focus on loss and grief. In my mind, it all made sense. I mean, we all were and still are experiencing one or another form of loss and grief. When I say “all”, I am literally referring to everyone in the world. COVID has been hard. As I like to put it, “it has shown all of us flames”. We’ve had to deal with a series of losses and our lives have been riddled with death and grief.

Whilst researching I stumbled upon different forms of grief. I knew that there wasn’t one universal type of grief that one experienced, but I also didn’t have the vocab to explain all the other types of grief that are out there. I wasn’t aware that the loss and longing of freedom or security can be ambiguous grief, that functioning as if all is well is absent grief and that reacting to the death, absence or the loss of someone or something at a later stage is delayed grief. I also wasn’t aware that experiencing multiple losses at once is referred to as cumulative grief.

Whilst I don’t want to get into the logistics of each type of grief, I do want to touch on how lonely a journey of grief is.

When I lost all that I did due to COVID-19, I wasn’t expecting the grieving journey to be a walk in the park but neither was I ready or expectant of the lonely and sometimes dark journey that I would have to walk.

In case you're wondering, yes I have family and friends who I can reach out to, and trust me I do. However, grieving has taught me that there are certain journeys that I need to walk, alone. There are certain things that I need to sort out, without much assistance from others. It’s been tough, there are days when I can’t articulate or put into words what I am feeling, what or who I miss or what I long for. That toughness has almost forced me to walk the journey alone…

As dreadful as that may sound, I am to a certain extent, grateful for navigating this journey alone. I have learnt how to show up for myself, to be honest with myself and what I am feeling. I have and I am still learning how to be vulnerable with myself (as crazy as that sounds) and how to deal with what I am feeling in the present moment without brushing off and being completely ignorant to those feelings.

And no, I am not advocating for the above. What I am advocating for is showing up for yourself, allowing yourself to be honest with yourself about what you are going through. Above all else, I am advocating for one to go through the motions. Allow yourself to go through it, allow yourself to feel.

My journey has made it starkly apparent that I don’t really have a coping mechanism, I’d like to imagine that many of us young people don’t have one. By engaging with people on the STA Next_Gen platform, I have come to realize just how important it is that I find and invest in a coping mechanism, if ever I want to cope with my grief in a healthy manner. I have found that journaling, being expressive and preserving memories is helping me in my journey. As much as grieving is a lonely journey, I am only now realizing that it doesn't have to be a lonely one. Reach out to those around you and connect with people who may be going through the same or similar situation.

Grieving also requires a lot of kindness and patience. A muscle that I am trying to exercise everyday. I am trying and learning how to be patient with myself, also how to be kind to myself. Before I go, I want to leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

“You cannot pour from an empty cup”

So while you embark on the grieving journey, be kind and patient to yourself. Allow yourself to go through the motions, reach out to those around you and most importantly, seek new and unconventional ways to make sense of what you are going through. Remember always, grief may sometimes lonely journey, but it is one that is very necessary.

Love,

A girl trying to figure this life thing out